This is the most open relationship I've been in. It's refreshing.

Liken most thing in my life, this too is a lie. I thought it was, and she may want to be open, but I find I just can't. It's an impossibility. I try, but I keep holding back.

I see myself doing the exact same things...the same fucking things.

I hate myself.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to end this by the end of the month, and become a hermit. I'll go to work and home. Thats it.

The less people who interact with me the better...

Better for them at least. I don't really care about what that might do to me. Can't make it any worse.

What the fuck is my problem.

I don't know.

On the outside no one knows... no one sees how dangerous I am to them. I wish I could have someone warn people to not get emotionally involved with me. Otherwise I'll just fuck it up...

Maybe a witty t-shirt.

Wouldn't work, someone would think I'm trying to be smart...

I wish I could talk to someone. How the hell did I end up without anyone to even talk to about this kind of shit. It's beyond me.

Can someone go so long and so far with out friends, that it becomes impossible to create new ones? Especially ones you trust and like there opinions enough to listen to in cases like this?

I think so.


fuck. now I'm sounding like a whiny emo kid...

How did I sink so low?