Blagh.

I'm starting to think that there is a certain organization out there that needs to drop the word 'humane' from their name, considering how crappy they treat some of their employees.

No, I'm not one of their employees. . . and from the sounds of it I'm thankful for that.

Getting offers from websites to advertise on this site is comical at best. Now, most likely it was just spam. Though it didn't stink to the stars in the way normal spam does.

*shrug*

Why do I bring this up? What the hell does this have to do with anything? Ahh the answer to that is because of the content of the website that wished to advertise. A forum site dedicated to the head in the sand stance of everything is a-ok. A hey, stop complaining and look on the bright side of life, "Things are just peachy," the sky isn't really falling circle jerk.

And these fuckers want to advertise here? Maybe for a bit of irony. Who knows.

Of course, things are not all rainbows, lollypops, and unicorns shitting out sunbeams. Someone who looks to be the site admin in the "I'm doing just fine" forums posts a note about reinstalling windows. Expecting a "my computer hard drive failed and I reinstalled windows and now it runs so much faster post, everyone should <3 microsoft" post, I'm laugh out loud at what follows. I diatribe of Firefox, because it somehow magicly gave his computer a virus. His computer that for 12 years (dude...time for an upgrade) has been running virus free. How he knows this for sure is unknown what with him not ever running a anti-virus application.

But yes, Firefox, the failed browser that it is, executed remote code and allowed a virus to install it self on his computer. Right.

. . .

Yeah. I think I'll pass.

They can keep their candy coated hypocrisy to themselves.

I think I'm loosing my mind.

No, really.  This isn't an 'Oh my day is so stressful and got lots of shit going on...' lost my mind... It's a 'I can't remember what day it is, or what I did yesterday...or 5 minutes ago...' lost my mind.

I've had this feeling for a while now.  This feeling that part of my brain shut down, or is in the process of shutting down. 

I've started getting more and more worried about this.  Though my insomnia, bad eating habits (as in I don't eat...I forget.) and the fact I'm stressed about life in general can't possibly be helping.  

I should try and get some work done... though I don't know why, it's already 5:30pm and I've only done 2 things today.  The rest of the time was doing... 

I can't remember.

I've seriously got to get over this... people have delt with worse...

Holy fuck.

I hate myself.

Last a month... pfft.... I knew I wouldn't have the balls to end it. Here...six months later... it's now "on hold"

What kinda of shit is that. I should have just said it's not working out... there's nothing wrong with that. But no. I have to fuck it up... drag it out.

Oh course it's all my fault. I missed a call, which led to her not talking to me, which led to me worrying that she's fed up, which led her to think I didn't want to talk to her... Yes, I should have called. Yes I was wrong. But don't sit on the phone for an hour telling me all the different reasons why and how I was wrong, when you're partly to blame... wtf.

Of course all of this could have been avoided.

I could have gone home.

I could have not danced.

I could have ended it.

No. No I couldn't... that wouldn't be my style... my style is apparently let things drag out in a big ass shit parade.


Oh. And for the icing on this shit parade... an d email from my best friend I've not talked to for a couple months because I'm a dick. The content? Her husband died of cancer...

I've still not responded to her.

Why do I let myself interact with people when I can't give anything back worthwhile...

I'm really starting to get depressed... can't sleep, can't eat... that can't be a good sign.