I've seriously got to get over this... people have delt with worse...

Holy fuck.

I hate myself.

Last a month... pfft.... I knew I wouldn't have the balls to end it. Here...six months later... it's now "on hold"

What kinda of shit is that. I should have just said it's not working out... there's nothing wrong with that. But no. I have to fuck it up... drag it out.

Oh course it's all my fault. I missed a call, which led to her not talking to me, which led to me worrying that she's fed up, which led her to think I didn't want to talk to her... Yes, I should have called. Yes I was wrong. But don't sit on the phone for an hour telling me all the different reasons why and how I was wrong, when you're partly to blame... wtf.

Of course all of this could have been avoided.

I could have gone home.

I could have not danced.

I could have ended it.

No. No I couldn't... that wouldn't be my style... my style is apparently let things drag out in a big ass shit parade.


Oh. And for the icing on this shit parade... an d email from my best friend I've not talked to for a couple months because I'm a dick. The content? Her husband died of cancer...

I've still not responded to her.

Why do I let myself interact with people when I can't give anything back worthwhile...

I'm really starting to get depressed... can't sleep, can't eat... that can't be a good sign.